Are you considering having another baby? Whether it's your second, third, or fourth, how do you truly know when you're done? Keep reading to hear my thoughts on why I believe the answer (for me) will always be: YES!
Having another baby is a deeply personal decision and requires a lot of soul-searching. Many moms claim to know when they're "done" with having babies, but I'm not as convinced. While no one can predict the future, I'm dishing why I'll always be open to the possibility of having one more.
This post is all about having another baby and why I think I will always want another one!
Why I will always want another baby
The mythical "you'll know when you're done" is just that—a myth.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said this to me...I'd have a lot of dollars. And while people are well-intentioned, what does it actually mean? How do you know? Is it a feeling? A whisper in your ear? A tingle in your toes? How can you ever really be sure?
I kind of equate this sentiment to the ambiguous "runner's high." I've run a lot in my day and have never once experienced it. For some, maybe it does exist, but for me, it's a misnomer. A carrot dangled in front of your face so you keep doing the thing in hopes that you too will one day experience it. The point is: people talk about it like it's real but is it?
I have two beautiful, rambunctious children that keep me more than busy, so it's not like I'm sitting around all day contemplating life looking for ways to fill my time. But even on the hard days (and there are lots of them!), when I'm frustrated and tired, and want just ten freaking seconds of silence, I still think: Yeah, I wouldn't mind another one.
My husband thinks I'm crazy. Watching as my son spills his bin of toys for the tenth time that day, he'll shake his head and jokingly say, "You want another one?" My reply is always the same: "Yeah, don't you?"
Here's the thing: Kids change your life. Full stop. Our house is already wild, with two children ages three and under. Really, what's one more?
If you're like me and are unsure of whether you'll ever truly be "done" with babies, you can take the quiz, Are You Ready for Another Baby? Remember to take the results with a grain of salt—no online quiz can provide you with a definitive answer but it can provide you with some insight and talking points to consider when making your decision.
Do not pass "GO." Do not collect $200.
Now, I'm under no false illusions. Babies are a lot of work. When my daughter was born my son had just turned two years old. I had finally—finally—gained my footing, and found a small sliver of my old self. I wasn't bone-tired every single second of every single day, had lost most of the baby weight, and was finding small nuggets of time for things that brought me joy: reading, practicing yoga, and writing.
My daughter, Valentina, sent our world into a tailspin, She had her days and nights completely confused, she wanted to be held all of the time, and our once blissful uninterrupted nighttime sleep was gone...for the next nine months.
I'm not going to lie: those first few months kinda felt like playing a Monopoly game. There we were, rounding the corner, closing in on Boardwalk Blvd, only to get slapped with a "Go to Jail" card.
Do not pass "GO."
Do not collect $200.
Here we go again.
But guess what? We did round the board again—the second time was new and different but we already knew what to expect, what to anticipate, and were a little more prepared, a little more experienced. And we made it "GO" faster than we did the first time, toting two kids with us the whole way.
The "perfect" family doesn't exist.
Another well-intentioned phrase that irks me? You have the perfect family.
I can only assume that people say this in reference to the gender of our children—we have one boy and one girl. Yes, I know that I'm extremely blessed with two beautiful, healthy children. And believe me, I don't take for granted one second that many women struggle to conceive. I am 100000% not saying that I'm not grateful for what I have. The irritation comes from the thinly veiled implication that if we had two boys, for example, our family wouldn't be perfect. Any baby is a blessing. Period.
And I'm here to tell you: the "perfect" family doesn't exist.
There are just families. Big ones. Small ones. And everything in between.
So if you're aiming for perfection—whatever that is—you will fall short every time.
The love for each child is unique and special
When I was pregnant with my daughter I secretly questioned whether or not I'd be able to love her as much as I love my son. In retrospect, it sounds silly—because I love BOTH of my children more than words could ever express—but at the time I had no idea.
My firstborn completely changed my life in every way imaginable. I had never experienced that kind of unwavering, selfless, unconditional love. How could I possibly love another human as much as I loved him?
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As cliché as it sounds, your heart really does grow—it gets bigger. And if you're anything like me, you love each child in his or her own unique way. It's the same, yet different.
I have two sisters and, like most sibling rivalries, we would vie for our mother's attention. We would joke about who our mother loved more or who was our mom's favorite. Of course, our mother would always say, "I don't have a favorite. I love all of you girls the same." And of course, we'd never buy it. Her statement was generally met with an eye roll and one sister's name was muttered under our breath as to who we believed was the favorite.
But, now as a mom, I can tell you: it's true. You can't pick a favorite child any more than you can pick a favorite breath. Sure, you may connect more (personality-wise) with one child over another or share similar interests with one child versus the other, but your love—the deep chasm of a mother's love—is the same depth and breadth for every child.
My children's personalities couldn't be more different. Yes, I love them differently because I love both in their own special way but there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that I have an equal amount of love for each of them. They are both my favorite. And there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that my heart has enough love for thirty more babies! Okay, that might be an exaggeration. But one more? Definitely.
Babies are freaking adorable...
At the risk of stating the obvious, it has to be said: babies are adorable.
The squishy, pudgy, face. The smooth, silky, skin. The smell. The curled fingers. The ruffled sleepers and bowtie onesies that are so stinking cute I could die...
Babies and all of their baby-ness are kryptonite. Cat nip for women everywhere.
Okay, maybe not all women, but most.
...but I am not wearing rose-colored glasses
At the same time, I'm a realist.
Babies are A LOT of work. And I don't just mean physically (hello, pregnancy!) but also mentally and financially.
Although I will always want another baby, it doesn't necessarily mean it's the right decision. I mean, I always want chocolate cake but I don't eat it every day. Hmmm, maybe that wasn't the right comparison to use...LOL
But in all seriousness, there is A LOT to consider. Having another baby is forever. And with it comes a boatload of responsibility.
Some things that weigh on me:
Ultimately I believe that no one knows what's in store—and thank goodness for that! God's plan will unfold exactly the way it's supposed to, even if it doesn't seem so at the time.
And while there are so many things to consider, and so many unknown variables, there is one thing I know with certainty: I will never fully close the door to having another baby.
Rather than dwelling on the feeling of being "done," I will strive to live each day to the fullest, to make each and every moment count with my two children, and to be open to the possibility of maybe.
And if I am blessed with another bundle of joy, I will gladly accept my "go to jail" card with a huge smile on my face. I've rounded the board twice already. What's one more time 'round?
